Essaaaaay!!

[squirreledaway]

Okay. So, first. I apologize. This entire essay is in Memorandum for Record format. Apparently, I feel a lot less guilty for musing on my characters as long as I do it in a military style format.

... YEP that's about it.

MEMORANDUM FOR: Aather

FROM: Raina’s work desk

SUBJECT: I seriously just put my Emil essay in MFR format natch.

1. The purpose of this memorandum is to write out my thoughts on Emil and his development so far in Aather. This essay will go into the details of his relationships with Peridot, and his more significant CR, as well as how he and Ratatosk are balancing at this moment. This report was inspired by staying up way too late with Lloyd and Mithos. There are zero regrets.

2. Emil is a unique character, in that he is not really a whole personality, though he presents himself as one. If you pay attention to him for very long, you’ll really start to notice, though, that he really is emotionally deficient in certain areas. His role, as Ratatosk’s essentially severed conscience, requires that he be more prone to over thinking his actions, and despite sharing anger with Ratatosk, Emil doesn’t have much anger. However, he does have an excessive amount of guilt, due to Ratatosk pushing it all on him because he doesn’t have time to worry about feeling bad.

3. Essentially, this puts Emil and Ratatosk in a balancing act. Emil is already at a disadvantage because he is such a small part of Ratatosk’s overall personality these days. It is for these reasons that I decided to try and limit how much I played Ratatosk. Emil needs time to establish himself, and already it is not going very well for him. Ratatosk is starting to diverge from Emil and reject him, and he hasn’t been awakened that long ICly. The effects haven’t been very noticeable yet, but that’s going to come into play. I’ll probably have to adjust for that, and find a way to keep it manageable.

4. What this means is that there isn’t a very good control on Ratatosk. And as I was explaining to Lloyd last night, it means it’s very important that Ratatosk (and by extension, Emil) remain angry at Lloyd. Which is hard because Emil has been hit very hard in the face with Lloyd’s perpetual Jesus-rays and is considering trying to move past what he did. But if Ratatosk continues to follow Emil’s desires and loses Lloyd as an outlet for his anger, he’s going to start focusing it on things and people who may or may not be able to defend themselves. All things considered, Ratatosk is still full of genocidal rage and hatred. So it is, honestly, the absolute best situation for everyone involved if he’s focusing that on Lloyd, because for the moment Lloyd completely outclasses him.

5. And it’s not possible for Ratatosk to let go of his anger and hatred. Even without memories of everything that happened to him in canon, Ratatosk still goes out of his way to be a menacing asshole. In fact, the more aware and powerful he becomes, the more pointlessly violent and reckless his actions become. This is only going to get worse now that Ratatosk knows how to increase his power.

6. There is some mixed news for what Peridot is doing for Ratatosk and Emil. Peridot is great for Emil, I can’t state how much improvement Emil has seen as a person from them. He’s gotten a lot more confident a lot more quickly. Yes, he still stutters and gets nervous, but the amount of apologies he gives out has gone down dramatically. He’s starting to speak his opinion much more openly, because he feels accepted in Peridot. However, while Peridot has been great for Emil, it hasn’t been so for Ratatosk.

7. Ratatosk is considering himself outside of Peridot, and Peridot as ‘Emil’s’ instead of ‘ours.’ So, this makes it easier for him to separate himself from Emil, which is going to play out more interestingly, in my opinion. This feeds into the imbalance between himself and Emil, and with Ratatosk starting out at an advantageous position, it doesn’t really help. This was going to happen eventually, but it’s happening faster than I really predicted.

8. So I am really interested to see how this develops, especially as it becomes clearer that Ratatosk really is a threat to Emil. I believe most of the team prefers Emil, except for Lucifer.

9. Lloyd really put it well last night with the analogies. Mithos, Emil, and Lloyd are all the main protags of the Symphonia verse. And they are all like trains in canon. Mithos is the train that refuses to switch tracks, even for the burned out bridge ahead. Lloyd is a train that maintains that ability to switch tracks, and Ratatosk is the train running towards the out bridge, while Emil is that part of him that goes, “Hey, wait, there are switches here! We don’t have to do this!” And interestingly enough, in canon, pretty much as soon as Lloyd joins the party, Emil seals of Ratatosk. So of all of the party, Lloyd is the only one who never has an extended period of interaction with Ratatosk. And by the time he does, Emil has come into his own enough for Ratatosk to regain some semblance of balance, and you can see images of who he was back when Mithos first met him.

10. Which kind of ties into the other possibilities for how he could develop. I don’t predict that Emil or Ratatosk will ever end up like they do in canon. That’s already not going to happen, and I’ve only played Emil in Aather for roughly 2 IC weeks. Emil has made a lot of friends, but I think what determines how much of an effect they’ll have depends on how they react to Ratatosk. In this case, I think Mitsuru has had the most calming effect on him, just because she seemed generally nonplussed, if a little shocked at his existence. Ratatosk, unlike my other general fanfare of dumb boys, isn’t stupid and will readily pick up on little tells. He’s quick to get defensive about them, as well. Because, while he is pretty damn angry and violent, his general motivation right now is one of protecting things he considers his. Peridot is only his in as much as he needs to protect it, and if the games are too much for Emil, that’s what he’ll do. He will take the trauma because it is hard to trauma him. Mitsuru is ‘our friend’ though, which is important and gives her a pretty surprising amount of leverage over him if she ever decides to use it. This is also despite the fact that Emil considers him closer to Sakura.

11. I am just taking an entire numbered paragraph to note that I am dying to see Ratatosk interact with Lloyd and Mithos more. Just saying.

12. For questions regarding this report, please contact me in the comments section of this entry or in the #talesofsigneg chan on IRC.




RAINA, Player, Aather
Emil Castagnier, Peridot

Now, I will follow that essay with a QUESTION MEME. No, it hasn't quite been a month but dammit I DO WHAT I WANT. This is for Judith and Emil/Ratatosk.

:')

Comments

[brotagonist]

So what is Ratatosk doing with his DESIRE TO BE ACCEPTEDDD '-'a right now? And how is Judith liking being back in Aather?

[squirreledaway]

HE'S TRYING TO IGNORE IT. '^' It only subconsciously affects his actions, because he is too hot shit to openly admit it. So, he'll focus his anger energy, not anger, on protecting Peridot, and figures that as long as Peridot is okay with him in that position, he's okay with himself in that position. But he definitely tends to temper his actions around people Emil has a fondness of. And sometimes it pays dividends, sometimes it doesn't. But the point is, it's stopping him from being a needless asshole for the moment.

JUDY HAS MIXED FEELINGS. She went hard into "pretend everything is normal" mode and no one's called her on it yet. So, she's going to keep going that route, especially since she had that thing with Guy, and was generally really glad to see all her friends again. But the fact is, she's still dealing with the issues she was dealing with when she left, as well as having her confidence shaken by the fact that she ended up in the book at all. I predict this is going to explode in her face eventually but... OVERALL, SHE'S GLAD TO BE BACK?? Being flat sucked.

What do you think Lloyd's thought process would be if he knew that Ratatosk HAD to have someone to direct his anger at, and that in this case it is him?

[brotagonist]

It really depends on whether he knows for sure he actually did the thing that Ratatosk professes to hate him for! Because he's willing to accept those feelings in uncertainty, and he's willing to accept hatred when the people in the cities Decus ransacked hating him don't know the truth and there was a reason for their ignorance, in canon. Hhhowever, once both Lloyd and Emilatosk know the truth, he'd see Ratatosk's continuing anger pretty clearly as what it is — a bit of a crutch he's not examining — and try to force him to examine it. Lloyd is willing to accept a lot of negativity thrown in his direction, but at a certain point Ratatosk's anger really is an unjustified attempt to continue not thinking, and Lloyd (while okay with getting punched in the face by a guy who thinks he destroyed his town) is really not willing to take bullshit for the sake of someone else going "lalala I don't want to think about this" to themselves.

How do you think Ratatosk will deal with having to start questioning stuff?

[blackjacked]

RELATIONSHIPS. First impressions for Judy and Kit and updates (if there are any) on Rose and Emil!

[squirreledaway]

JUDY -> KIT

Judy loves that she has found Kit's chink in his armor. :') So her intentions for him are completely on the trolling side of the house. Which is good! She likes having people she can mess with. WE NEED TO HAVE THEM TALK MORE so she can get a firmer (huhu) impression of him.

EMIL/RATATOSK -> ROSE

lmao, Emil loves Rose but I think Ratatosk likes her the most out of people he has properly met in Aather. I mentioned it in the essay, but Mitsuru's response to him was overall the most positive of anyone that has seen him so far. So, she's firmly classified as 'our friend' in Ratatosk's mind between him and Emil. Which means she would probably be most effective at getting him to knock shit off if shit ever got started? Which is always a good thing with Ratatosk. So, while Emil considers himself closest to Sakura, Ratatosk automatically has more fondness for Rose. Which will be interesting to see play out. :>

REVERSE!!!

[blackjacked]

KIT -> JUDY

Judith has pretty much solidified her place as a troll in Kit's mind :'Db She is a DANGEROUS WOMAN who IS VERY DANGEROUS (in the trolly way) and he should keep an eye out on her just in case she tries to fluster him again. That isn't a bad thing, though, since Kit is all about challenges, and in a way Judy challenges him to keep his cool every time she tries to knock him off-kilter. SHE WON THE LAST ROUND, BUT HE WILL BE PREPARING FOR THE NEXT ONE o9! Also he is actually really looking forward to the Coral-Sapphire poker game :|b They definitely need to interact more so he can also get a firmer impression of her beyond TROLL IN THE DUNGEON.

ROSE -> EMIL

No huuuge changes here, I think! Mitsuru is still very fond of Emil-- and Ratatosk, too, since she still firmly thinks of Ratatosk as a part of Emil that should be accepted and not fretted over/etc. I think that's because when she first met Ratatosk, though his existence surprised her he didn't come off as being dangerous or anything like that. And she likes that Emil has a confident side! It's good for him and such. I was a bit surprised she didn't worry more, actually, but. I think, like I said, it's because she hasn't witnessed Ratatosk being anymore more than a blunter, more confident version of Emil :|a I mean, she knows there's some separation, especially when she spoke to Emil and he mentioned he didn't remember what he did while in Ratatosk mode, but it's still. A part of him, so. IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE orz.

I do look forward to seeing how the Emil -> Sakura, Ratatosk -> Rose thing plays out |D That'll be lots of fun.

.... how do you picture/envision Ratatosk and Emil dealing with Zelos beyond "YOU ARE LLOYD'S FRIEND WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS"?

[antreegonist]

THIS IS A HORRIBLE QUESTION but if Emil/Ratatosk got booked for an IC month and came back what would that experience do to their headspace? OR IF THEY GOT FORESTED whichever is more interesting.

[squirreledaway]

oh god horrible question indeed

The forest would definitely be the more interesting of the two options, I think. Because it would trigger a button for Ratatosk that he doesn't even know he has, because I surmise that when his tree died, the feeling for him was extremely similar. And if he was unstable at the beginning of TOS2, he would come out of the forest damn near insane. And it would be next to impossible for Emil to control him, if Emil even could manifest himself properly anymore. So, you would have a raging summon spirit that gives approximately no fucks. It would take a lot to calm him the fuck down. Possibly even just-- get a personae to give him zen coins. He'd need the zen coins. He can buy them with the angerbucks he found in a treasure chest in the forest.

... actually this is an interesting question REVERSE. >D

[antreegonist]

haha oh god

It would hit a massive trauma button for Mithos too -- the feelings aren't as equivalent, I think, but being held immobile and being slowly, timelessly drained of everything that makes you yourself probably pings as going through the process to become a lifeless being, only not all at once. H-he would also come out of it crazy for a while, albeit in the more dependent/needing significantly more contact for a while sort of way instead of the homicidal sort of way. DO NOT WANT.

...is there anything you can foresee happening that would knock Emil and Ratatosk onto a path of maybe accepting each other as the same person at this point in his development, instead of continuing to deviate as identities?

[gravitysrainbow]

Do you like me '-'

[squirreledaway]

no get out

[gravitysrainbow]

FINE I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER THEN!!!!!

[squirreledaway]

YES, EMIL LIKES YOU HAZEL. '-' You and him are similar in a lot of ways, and he takes a lot of comfort in that because, honestly, he's pretty failboat by Aather standards, so it's nice to have someone else who can't land in the ring, or someone else who is more on the quiet and shy side. And he can pretty quickly become fond of people if they let him, and Hazel is doing that, and also giving Emil and sounding board he doesn't quite have with any of his current friends? Who are all a lot more competent people than he is. '^'

do u liek me back

[gravitysrainbow]

yes yes yes

Like the #1 way to be Enma's Friend in canon is to be 1) relatable and 2) non-threatening. Emil being there when he first fell over in the ring was kind of comforting because everyone else was kind of just like. Are you okay!! and YOU SURE DID FALL DOWN which made him kind of self-conscious about falling down haha. But Emil was just like I fell too :Da And he's helpful and nice even tho he's not Citrine... which was like step 1 in disproving everything his first memory told him (EVERYONE NOT YOUR FAMILY IS THE SAME AND THEY ARE ALL UNIVERSALLY TERRIBLE AND KILL THEM BEFORE THEY GET YOU) '-' It's nice for Hazel to spend time with Emil and feel safe and like... not... judged. Kind of like on even ground!

and if it turns out that emil is a crazy squirrel half the time, well, that's ok. He wouldn't even mind.

Do you have a LIST OF THINGS you want to do with your characters!!

[yourmama]

Hi Ratatosk hi :3c

[squirreledaway]

ratatosk wants to roll around in your heart with your soul dragon '^'

HONESTLY, WHEN I NEXT TAG OUT WITH RATATOSK I NEED TO FIND VIOLA, just because he feels a connection there that he really... can't get elsewhere in Aather. He chalks it up to him being part of Ratatosk (as far as he knows currently) and that Vitra is similar to him. But HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE THAT HE GOT WARNED TWICE. He just wants to talk to the dragon, and make friends. '^'!!!!

Reverse?

[doesnothappen]

What does Judy think of the ~new Sapphires~ who have shown up since she left?

[squirreledaway]

She hasn't really talked to Acheron yet... But she figures that Sapphire will help with his shyness, if they have to. Van, however, she is quietly wary of? She's not avoiding him or going out of her way to advertise that she's wary but... just after listening to Guy, she's keeping a close eye on him for him.

Did Mau miss her :(

[screwthatnoise]

...ilu for typing your essay like that. :'D

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME, EMIL, man we need to thread some more here soon. Echo must check on his progress!

[squirreledaway]

i. i had to. '-' it looked less suspicious. you should see it with the header and everything. It's very official.

ANYWAY, EMIL LIKES ECHO. Sob, he thought she was confusing at first but now he realizes that she's just being helpful to him, even if she's very :| about it. I THINK THEY COULD BE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS??? I mean, Emil would follow her around like a puppy if she wanted at least. |D

REVERSE?!

[sticksofthejedi]

Judy's current thoughts on Jaina and Snake?

[squirreledaway]

JUDY IS TRYING TO MOVE PAST WITH JAINA!! She's trying, but it is hard for her to not hold a grudge. (hint, their CR is currently some of my favorite because it's so complicated. They aren't enemies, but they definitely aren't friends either. Yet they're not that distant.) But what Jaina said to her did a lot of damage, and that plus her ending up in the book, and almost instantly going to poker face... I think she feels kind of trapped by her own feelings with Jaina right now. So, expect her to wrestle with that a lot? Like, it hasn't had much time to change since the last time Judy was here beyond she has a sense of urgency to try and right it, even if her feelings kind of hold her back.

SHE WAS ALMOST MAD AT SNAKE, and then she realized she misunderstood what he was saying. I think she's starting to understand that they almost speak two different languages sometimes. And I think she's becoming more okay with that.

How about Jaina? Relieved or worried she's back? And Snake too of course!!

[glorious]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS? for Emil since I think you basically answered Judith already.

[squirreledaway]

EMIL THINKS VAN IS TOTALLY NICE AND COMPLETELY SAFE :'D

No, really, Emil likes him! And he has NO CLUE about Van's past, not even in the slightest. So it lets him look at Van with unbiased eyes, especially compared to Judy. And Emil was kind of flattered Van would ask Peridot to join Sapphire. He gets happy when people want to play with his team, and he really likes Sapphire anyway. So, yes, he'll talk to Van and be cheerful and moe at him. :D!!

Reverse?

[unionoftheheart]

Any updaaates...for either of yours...