squirreledaway | memory 07 - "be a man, speak up!"

Until 5:44.

... Awww Emil does (psyduck) all on his own.

Aaaanyway. OMG MARTA MEMORY!!! and this is like. The Marta Memory man.

+ 100 khdfjksdhfjdshf what is this girl talking about 'Will I save her' again. She's gotta be kidding me!
+ 50 ksdfjksdhf what was I thinking going out there by myself... Man, I suck at this fighting thing.
+ 20 ... did I have amnesia problems before Aather?

Expect a lot of psyducking and w-w-what /// from him for the rest of the day, even as he. Works on his quest to fix his eye. :T

I will use this chance to segue into an essay I mentioned I wanted to do on Plurk. :U

So, the fact that Emil admits Lloyd didn't kill his family is a Big Thing for Ratatosk! Bigger than it is for Emil, because Emil naturally comes to this conclusion in game before the Big Reveal. I think Lloyd has put this metaphor for it in chan. Ratatosk is the train that is going full speed ahead at a broken bridge. Emil is the person that looks at the buttons going, "Why are we doing this... guys, there's still time to stop... guys?" So he wouldn't ignore all evidence to the contrary to keep on keepin' on when it's obvious Lloyd is innocent.

Ratatosk, however, has completely lost the focus for his anger. Or rather, a legitimate focus! So, this means that as time goes on, he's going to get murderously angry at everything. It's just going to be a thing that happens, because his core is so fundamentally fucked up by Mithos's betrayal. And I think this is because of the type of personality that Ratatosk has!

I think people see flashes of his old personality. Most notably Mitsuru, where he restrains himself a lot. But I kind of mentioned it in my last essay: I don't think Ratatosk had a problem with caring for others, even if he was very tsundere about it. I just can't imagine a summon spirit not having a lot of love for the world, especially one tasked with maintaining the balance and essentially the life of it like Ratatosk was. But I also think he took a lot of weight on himself for it. Until Mithos approached him, he likely had no clue how to protect his tree, and no clue how to save everything. For the first time, he had found something that was beyond even his own power.

So, for Mithos to approach him and ask for a pact, something I'm certain he was leery of even before betrayal, because of the potential for misuse and huge chance of disappointment (especially with the fact you have a half-elf asking to do something Ratatosk was almost forced to admit was impossible...)... I mean, Ratatosk being Mithos's first pact, and Mithos being his was significant for him. Because the weight of his problems suddenly seemed manageable, and he had hope. How much of a tsundere someone is doesn't really... affect how much they care, so I am certain if I wanted to, I could make ALL SORTS of headcanon-y "dere for the Yggdrasil siblings" memories.

But when Mithos betrayed him, it was like slamming all that weight back down on his shoulders, and then some. His tree, which had been his very reason for pacting, was dead. And that was extremely, extremely important to him. Hell, the fact that there is a tree at all is important to him. It's notable that in the memory where Ratatosk kills Aster, he tells his monsters to go out and restore the balance of mana. Yes, he finishes that order with an order to commit genocide, but the next part is even more fascinating: when Aster protests that humans and half-elves have a right to be there as well, Ratatosk proclaims that they don't because they'd simply kill the new tree as well.

Even though it isn't his tree anymore, Ratatosk very clearly has hyperfocused his anger on his old goal. He will protect the tree no matter what the cost. So Lloyd worrying, in-game, about Ratatosk coming to destroy the tree is kind of... funny because even from a place of deep hatred and anger, he still wants to save the world. :'D It's just. Namco decided to make what should have been the villain of the game into the hero through Emil.

But the process of losing everything that he held dear, and having his trust in humanity/half-elves completely shattered left him with a lot of anger that he is going to naturally reflect at other people in Aather, even if he doesn't remember why. And he's going to avoid answering any questions about that to the utmost of his ability. If it means trying to kill people who question him, then so be it, because in his mind, even if he doesn't understand why he's angry, he still has a strong conviction that tells him that it's his right to be angry.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that Ratatosk snapped when he was betrayed, and is blind to anger most days. :'D

Lloyd provided a temporary solution for Ratatosk to not attack others, butttt I'm going to make this post serve double duty as a memory write-up and a permissions list. If you are okay with Ratatosk attacking you, please comment here.

I cannot guarantee it will ever happen, because I'm not entirely sure I'll ever be ready for the fallout that Emil will inevitably have to deal with, but. Just in case.